


La douleur exquisite

by Paindepice



Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Nooooo Hansol don’t get married you’re so sexy ahahah..., Porn With Plot, Smut, cheating?, disconnected plot, fluff?, i legit don’t know what this fic is supposed to be, just a bit tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27784498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paindepice/pseuds/Paindepice
Summary: Seungkwan slid his hands underneath Hansol’s hoodie, cold hands touching warm skin, pulling the hoodie over Vernon’s head and taking it off.They stood for a second, looking at each other, breathing heavily.What were they doing?
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	La douleur exquisite

**Author's Note:**

> I blame it all on the gc, I love u beautiful creatures 😘

Vernon kept blankly staring ahead; the radio was playing some kind of melancholic song, and Seungkwan seemed to know it, because he started humming along to the melody. Hansol drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, in tune with the song. 

The breeze harshly caressed his cheekbones, moved the hair on his forehead, tousled Seungkwan’s fluffier hair all over the place.

It was nice. 

For once it was nice to drive with Seungkwan in Vernon’s old car, in silence.

* * *

_6 years prior_

Seungkwan came into his life like a hurricane. Vernon had just moved to Korea, and had known nobody, so when he got introduced to his classmates, Vernon kind of expected to be bullied. 

It never really happened, which he was grateful for; instead, Seungkwan came into his life.

Seungkwan shook his hand with enormous energy, a big smile and high cheekbones, and Hansol would be lying if he’d say that he didn’t fall in love with him on the spot. 

Dazzled, Hansol introduced himself, and his name rolled off Seungkwan’s lips so easily.

Truly, Seungkwan had been Hansol’s lifeline during his first year in Korea; whenever he felt like no one really understood him, Seungkwan was there to reassure him, and actually tried to understand Hansol’s anxieties.

They grew up being so close to each other that Hansol actually forgot how lonely his life had been before Seungkwan.

* * *

  
The drive was going to be a long one, and Vernon wondered if it even had been a good idea at that point.

The phone in his pocket vibrated; a small notification, probably from Chan, asking where he was.

“You know what I miss?” Seungkwan asked.

Vernon shook his head; at that point in their life, Vernon didn’t know anymore. He missed so many things already.

“When we were younger, we used to sit on your bed and just talk… It was so easy back then.”

It was, but then again, a lot of things had been easier then.

* * *

_4 years prior_

Confessing to Seungkwan was the easy part, he would just look at him and say, “I love you”, the hard part came with making Seungkwan understand that he didn’t mean it in a fraternal way; it wasn’t the kind of love that friends shared. It was far more than that.

“I love you too,” Seungkwan would answer, and hug Vernon, before going back to whatever he would be doing.

Hansol felt like a coward for not specifying it, most of the time.

“You’re both fucking idiots,” Joshua sneered in english at him, drinking from an almost empty beer bottle. The music was playing lightly in the background, and their friends were laughing and screaming.

“It’s not like I am not being specific about it…”

Joshua looked at him with raised eyebrows. 

“What?” Hansol asked.

Joshua sighed, “Nothing Hansol, nothing.”

* * *

When they arrived, it was slightly raining, past one am, and Seungkwan was stumbling, barely keeping himself up because of how sleepy he was.

“Thanks for bringing me home,” Seungkwan slurred once Vernon had closed the door; he slipped down on the floor and sluggishly took off his shoes.

“No problem,” Hansol made the keys in his hand jingle, then stepped away from Seungkwan. The rain outside was getting worse. It was probably a bad idea to drive in the dark and through the rain.

“Well… I need to go now, it’s late,” Hansol muttered.

Seungkwan pouted, hurt. “You can crash here. It’s alright, Hansol”

Hansol shook his head, “No, it’s not, you fully know it’s not.”

“It’s raining, you will have an accident. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Hansol sighed. Right.

* * *

_2 years prior_

“I don’t like him. He acts so possessive around Seungkwan,” Hansol muttered into his glass. Soonyoung hummed, “Well… Nothing you can do about it. They are moving in together in two days.”

The news of Seungkwan getting into a new relationship came as a surprise to everyone, but especially to Vernon, who knew it would be the best to let his feelings for Seungkwan go.

They had tried a relationship, god they had tried, but it had never truly worked. It was probably for the best that they broke up and kept just being friends, he supposed.

Yet… This new person, he was so strikingly different from Seungkwan, so out of tune with his thoughts…

He sighed. 

He had to let it go.

He had to.

* * *

Their lips crashed against each other, and Seungkwan moaned against his mouth as their hips grinded against each other. Hansol chased the taste of Seungkwan in his mouth, tongue caressing the velvety heat of Seungkwan’s. 

Seungkwan slid his hands underneath Hansol’s hoodie, cold hands touching warm skin, pulling the hoodie over Vernon’s head and taking it off.

They stood for a second, looking at each other, breathing heavily.

What were they doing?

_What were they doing?_

Doubt danced shortly in Vernon’s eyes and mind, before Seungkwan squashed it cruelly, by kissing him again, leaving no space to breathe, leaving no space to think. 

  
  


Vernon bit on Seungkwan’s neck, tender skin turning red, and Seungkwan’s lips opened to let a moan escape.

There was no space left for guilt either.

* * *

_1 year prior_

“Congrats man, holy cow! Engaged? That’s a big step!” Seungcheol pat Hansol’s back; everyone at the table was stunned, clearly surprised at the news.

“Haha… Yeah, Hansol, congrats!” Jun joined in, regaining his composure. One after one, his friends congratulated him how it was appropriate for a situation like that.

Even Seungkwan, who looked at the silver band that sat on his ring finger. “Be happy Hansol, you deserve it,” he said, looking him in the eyes. 

Around the time Seungkwan had broken up with the man he had been living with, Hansol had found a partner. 

Timing was not on their side, it seemed.

“Thank you,” Hansol answered, smiling tightly.

* * *

“Tell me you love me,” Hansol demanded, pushing himself inside Seungkwan, tightening his hold on Seungkwan’s neck without cutting off his air.

Seungkwan stuttered something unintelligible, clearly too gone to answer. Hansol pushed his hips forward at a punishing pace, not letting the matter go. Seungkwan screamed, wrapping his legs around Vernon’s hips. 

“Do you love me?” Hansol asked, gasping, still moving relentlessly inside Seungkwan.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, IloveyouIloveyou,” Seungkwan answered, repeating the words like a desperate prayer.

Hansol closed his eyes, groaned and leaned down to kiss Seungkwan.

* * *

_8 months prior_

Seungkwan did not like her, _Seungkwan did not like_ _her._

It wasn’t really that noticeable– Seungkwan was good at hiding his distaste for someone, the incredible social butterfly he was.

He would smile at her, he would talk to her, he would laugh at her jokes and joke back. But he did not like her.

Hansol wondered why Seungkwan would torture himself like that.

“Why?” Minghao echoed, eyes wide. “I guess he’s masochistic.” 

“I don’t get it,” Hansol said.

“He just loves you a lot Hansol, he would not let you get married with the conscience of a man that hasn’t had closure.” 

Minghao looked at Vernon, Vernon looked back.

“What?” 

“You guys had closure, right?”

“... I’m not sure.”

Minghao sighed, “I guess you are masochistic too.”

Hansol’s eyebrows danced on his forehead; what the hell was that supposed to mean?

* * *

Hansol interlaced his fingers with Seungkwan’s, the silver band still there on his ring finger; it pressed coldly against Seungkwan’s warm skin.

A reminder, a cruel one.

“Say it again,” Hansol whispered, holding Seungkwan’s leg with the other hand, pressing his fingers in the soft skin there. Marking his skin, like a beast reclaiming his prey, his most prized possession, his most wanted treasure.

Seungkwan’s skin took on a pretty red color; his lips were puffy, bitten, red cheeks adorned with dried, delicate tear streaks, furiously red bite marks everywhere.

“I love you Hansol,” Seungkwan whispered back, gasping as soon as Hansol’s hips started moving again. 

Hansol had missed this: listening to Seungkwan’s sweet moans, to feel the tender skin of his thighs wrap around his hips; if Hansol remembered correctly, there was a sensitive point, right there, right where the neck met the shoulder, if he sank his teeth right there…

“Hansol!” Seungkwan cried, whined, thrashed against Hansol’s body, dragged his nails on Hansol’s back, and came, his heartbeat against Hansol’s lips wild as the one of a small bird.

* * *

_6 months prior_

It was so fucking ironic how it started raining right that second. The rain painted Seungkwan’s hair in dirty blonde splotches, wetting his clothes. 

Hansol’s hair was flat against his forehead.

“You don’t have any rights to say that now,” he said, the rain feeling heavy against his skin.

“I-I’m sorry,” Seungkwan hiccuped. “I can’t really control my emotions, you _dick.”_

“But you can totally control what comes out of your mouth!”

“Fuck _you_! I confess to you and that is your reaction?” 

“I am getting married, Seungkwan. What did you expect my reaction would be? People in there are waiting for me to go back and hug my fiancée and kiss her and tell her that I love her and that I am going to marry her!” Hansol pointed a furious finger towards the place they were supposed to be at.

“I don’t want you to,” Seungkwan answered, timid, but firm, brown eyes lit with the fire of determination. He walked closer and embraced Hansol's face with his hands. “Please.”

Hansol shook his head; the rain was starting to feel cold against his skin. “What you want doesn’t matter to me anymore…” He shook Seungkwan’s hands off himself, and left.

* * *

“Don’t leave,” Seungkwan sobbed, embraced by Hansol’s arms. Hansol was still gasping, trying to get a grasp at what just had happened, mind still fuzzy.

He caressed Seungkwan’s skin, his back, his shoulders, his hair.

Vernon kissed Seungkwan’s forehead, a small charm, a blessing. 

“Don’t leave,” Seungkwan repeated. He truly made it difficult for Hansol to leave; Seungkwan’s skin was warm and soft, his legs intertwined with Hansol’s; Seungkwan’s lips were brushing against his neck, and it all felt too comforting to leave behind.

“Don’t leave,” Seungkwan said a third time, softer. And like a crashing wave against the sand, it came and left, leaving ripples in its wake, leaving its marks in Hansol’s mind like everything else Seungkwan did.

“I won’t,” Hansol whispered. “I promise”

* * *

_4 months prior_

Vernon put down the box at the entrance, placing it right on top of the pile that accumulated there. 

Seungkwan’s apartment felt a little bit more empty now that all the stuff was gone. 

He was moving out the place he shared with his ex-boyfriend, probably the best choice he had made in a long while.

Minghao sighed behind him, putting down another box.

“I can’t believe Seungkwan had so much stuff,” he muttered, stretching.

“I’m surprised too, but I guess there were also things from his ex?” Hansol scratched the back of his neck, right where a small droplet of sweat was sliding down.

Minghao shook his head, “Mh…” then looked at Hansol. “What about you? When are you guys going to move in together?” 

Was it weird that Hansol was not living with the person he was going to marry? He probably was giving it too much thought.

“Not sure…” 

Minghao’s eyebrows shot upwards, in disbelief. “Hansol, just a quick question. Are you sure you really want to marry this person?” He put a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah… Yeah, I think I do,” he answered, not sounding convinced at all.

Someone coughed behind them, attracting Minghao’s attention 

“Ah, Seungkwan, here give me that. I’ll get it for you, you can go up and bring down something else.” Minghao moved away from Hansol, to Seungkwan.

When Hansol turned around, his and Seungkwan’s eyes met. 

* * *

When he woke up,Hansol was alone, and the bed was empty. He sat up in a panic before he could fully register that someone was using the shower in the bathroom. Hansol relaxed, falling back against the bed.

He sighed, rubbed his eyes, and sat up again.

He needed a shower too.

Seungkwan was humming a melody that, yet again, was unknown to Hansol. 

He screamed in shock when Hansol pulled the shower door open, steam hitting Hansol’s face as soon as he did.

“What the hell Hansol… Give a heads up next time, jeez.”

“Care if I join?” Hansol ignored what Seungkwan said, stepping into the shower without waiting for an answer.

“Sure… go ahead,” Seungkwan muttered under his breath, sarcastically. 

The water was warm, but it felt refreshing on Hansol’s skin; It took him five seconds to actually remember that Seungkwan was right in front of him, showering.

When he opened his eyes again, he studied the expanse of Seungkwan’s back, how the bite marks were purpling there, decorating his skin in red and purple semicircular marks. 

Hansol delicately grazed his thumb over the mark he’d left close to Seungkwan’s neck, watched Seungkwan stop and shiver. 

He turned around, looking at Hansol with reproach on his lips, before being cut out by Hansol’s lips on his.

* * *

_2 months prior_

“Hansol. I don’t know man, you look so drunk right now,” Chan sighed.

“I’m fine,” Hansol muttered, trying to move his weight off of Chan’s shoulder, and Chan let him, before catching him mid-air once Hansol stumbled.

“Fuck man… I’m calling Seungkwan,” Chan shuffled, using his own hand to call the other man.

Hansol tried to wave him off, but all he managed to do was irritate Chan. 

“He’s not answering…” Chan huffed, Hansol laughed. No brainer, Seungkwan was probably having sex right now with the dude he saw him dancing with earlier. 

“Leave him alone, he’s busy,” he sneered bitterly.

Chan looked at Hansol, as if seeing him like that for the first time.

It was the first time, he felt so bitter and full of poison, indeed. 

Chan sighed, dragged Hansol up to his apartment, and dropped him off on top of his bed. 

“You both need to talk, hyung… I don’t think getting married is a good idea for any of the parties involved…” Chan whispered, brushing Hansol’s hair away from his forehead.

Vernon shook his head. No way. 

When Chan left, Hansol wondered.

Why was he being so stubborn? What was he even gaining from moving ahead on that path, undeterred?

* * *

Hansol looked at them both in the mirror that stood on top of the sink. Seungkwan was panting, strengthening his grip on the sink’s edge. Vernon kissed right on the middle of his shoulder blades, and watched Seungkwan blush deepening.

Just as Hansol was going to leave a bite there too, someone ringed the doorbell. Seungkwan jumped, but Hansol kept calm, wrapping his arms around the other man’s chest. “Ignore it,” Hansol whispered into Seungkwan’s hair.

“But…” Seungkwan started, but Hansol was resolute . “Ignore it,” he repeated.

He started whispering in his ear, stroking Seungkwan’s dick, slowly and sweetly building up his orgasm. Seungkwan gasped silently when he came, biting his lips in the process. He could be as quiet as a mouse when he wanted to.

When Hansol withdrew his hand, there were white stripes of cum all over his fingers; the ring was still there, and dirtied up, it shone dully in the bathroom’s light.

* * *

_1 day prior_

Joshua sat by Hansol’s side, everyone else was laughing and dancing, but they were sitting in a hidden space in the backyard. 

“Not having fun?” Joshua asked, offering him a cup.

Hansol took it, smiled gratefully. “Not really,” he answered in English.

Joshua hummed, took a sip from his cup. There was nothing in front of them, just a dark garden, barely illuminated by the lights that came from inside. 

“Rumor has it you are rethinking the engagement,” Joshua said after a few seconds of silence.

Hansol laughed humorlessly, just a puff of hair that came out of his lips. 

“... I guess so, yeah” 

“May I ask why?” 

“I… don’t… love her, it would be so cruel to keep up this charade,” Hansol sighed.

“Did you guys talk?” 

Hansol took a gulp from his own cup, normal iced tea; it tasted sweet.

“Yeah…” Hansol massaged his right cheek, he could still feel the phantom of a slap there.

“You guys are still together?”

“Somewhat… We are on a time-out.”

Joshua hummed again, he sounded satisfied, “That should help you figure things out.”

“Yeah…” Hansol answered.

* * *

Hansol stared at the ceiling. Seungkwan was sleeping on his chest, puffing air on the skin of Hansol’s collarbones. The day came and went, the sun was already setting, coloring the room in a blue undertone. Hansol caressed the skin of Seungkwan’s back, feeling the warmth trickle into every inch of his skin. 

Seungkwan sighed, stirred awake, blinking slowly. Hansol just watched him do it, let him wake up on his own terms. 

“Hi…” Seungkwan said, voice hoarse but soft. Hansol smiled at him, “Hi”.

They kissed sweetly, slower than previously , just lips against lips, chaste and comforting.

Seungkwan moved his head away, looked at Hasol as if he had a million things to say. But just said one thing.

“I don’t want you to get married,” he whispered.

“I know,” Hansol answered, kissing him again.

Between the kisses, Seungkwan repeated his point, “I don’t”– kiss– “want you” –kiss– “to get married”.

They kissed again, Seungkwan’s tears touched Hansol’s cheeks. 

Between tears, Seungkwan repeated the same phrase. Desperate.

“Please don’t get married, I love you, please.”

Hansol cleaned the tears away, listening to Seungkwan’s sobs. “Please, I love you,” 

Seungkwan’s tears tasted salty and full of despair. 

“I love you too,” Hansol answered, kissed him one more time, then looked Seungkwan in the eyes.

The sun was almost down by then, the room was slowly going dark, just a few more sun rays filtering through the window’s curtains. 

“I am not going to get married.” 

Seungkwan stopped sobbing, looked at Hansol with big eyes of surprise.

“I was going to tell you this yesterday, but…” they had gotten distracted. 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” 

They kissed again.

Somewhere in the living room, Hansol’s phone kept vibrating, messages from his friends and family arriving at every hour, a whole day of going incognito causing everyone to get worried.

He silently asked for their forgiveness;he would reappear the next morning, but for the time being, he would spend the rest of the night and evening with Seungkwan. Wrapped around him, feeling him, kissing him, fucking him, loving him. Loving every single part of him. 

Just as the first day they had met, Hansol allowed himself to fall in love with Seungkwan all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> Head empty just Verkwan  
> Follow me on twt! @Paindepice_SV7 for me screaming about SVT


End file.
